In the face of a cashless gambling card that could see them lose millions in revenue, leagues clubs around Australia are putting their heads together and trying to think of ways to profit off the back of something that’s not human suffering.

Considered by many to be the original NFT, poker machines are flashy ways to generate profit for the one percent by taking advantage of people who aren’t good at maths all while leaving members of other generations wondering what the appeal is. 

Generating a record $3.8 billion in profits in NSW in just the first half of 2022 alone, poker machines are a major revenue stream for clubs and pubs, with many stating they could not afford to operate without an arena full of pensioners pianos.

“Our regulars are not going to want a cashless card,” said Betoota Leagues club chair Mervin Grufferdodge, who is worried these proposed NSW changes will spread to QLD in a reverse cane toad effect.

“Most of them are still afraid of the internet, they are going to think the cashless card is a scam designed to take all their money.”

At the time of writing, the NSW government states that a proposed cashless gaming card is to crack down on money laundering and not to decrease the $9419 the average Australian puts through the pokies each year. It is believed this strategy has been adopted as a way to stand up to gambling lobbyists without having to actually stand up to gambling lobbyists. 

With their unethical but legal cash cow possibly going digital, leagues clubs are now considering trying to add actual value to people’s life instead of being your local community leech.

“I’d say that maybe the bistro could do it but anyone who’s had our Diane sauce knows there’s a fair bit of suffering involved in that too.”


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