Former bong lord Tor Gilchrist (33) has realised he is officially old today after 420 day drifted by him completely unobserved.

Once thought to have been the first person in the world to smoke a bong, Gilchrist states he enjoyed recreational cannabis during university and the years that followed but had to eventually cut down due to the nagging sense daily bong smoking was in fact the thing that was ruining his life.

Until recently however, one Easter adjacent date Gilchrist always observed was 420 day.

Named for the time of day when stoners agree is the best time to light a hot one (4:20pm) 420 Day takes place every year on April 20. Notable events include smoking weed with friends at 4:20pm, trying to find the streaming service Adventure Time is on, and waking up the next day to a cleared out kitchen, devoid of everything except shame.

Previously Gilchrist might have spent the day doing such things but this year for 420 day he worked a standard work day before eating a frozen meal while seeing if this series of MasterChef would be worth checking out.

“Wednesday was 420 day?” asked Gilchrist, who often wonders if his inability to remember dates correctly has anything to do with his previous bong use.

“Is that right…well…nevermind then.”

Once like a smokey Christmas to him, Gilchrist states had he known Wednesday was 420 day he would have smoked some weed with similarly inclined friends, if he still had either of those things.

“Everyone has either quit or moved on to coke to be honest. It’s all the dark web and apps these days, I don’t fucking know where to get it.”

“Damn it was really this Wednesday?”



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