EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A study conducted by Relationships Australia has confirmed that every friendship circle has one mate who must have been away the day they were handing out emotional intelligence.

According to the findings, this mate has the statistical occurrence of popping up if the friendship circle is comprised of at least four members, and will both be acutely aware of their shortcomings whilst vehemently defending their actions – but deep down, this mate knows their role to play, which is providing some much needed entertainment to everyone else, whilst also kickstarting moral arguments.

For a mixed friendship group in Betoota Heights nicknamed ‘MILF’s & DILF’s‘ (their Facebook messenger name) that responsibility falls onto the shoulders of Paul – their very smart, but very stupid friend.

“So I might need a woman’s opinion on this”, Paul had started, which immediately had everyone’s attention, “but is it bad to politely ask a someone to go home after having sex?”

“I mean I didn’t say it like that obviously.”

“I don’t think I was being one. Like it wasn’t that late.”

Pressing two fingers to her head like she was trying to hold off a headache, one of his mate’s Steph, asks for more context, though she knows that probably won’t affect the answer.

“It was from Tinder, so like, obviously it’s a hookup you know.”

“How did she get to your house?”, James had asked.

“An Uber.”

“So she got an Uber to your house and then you got her to get an Uber home?”


“Oh for fuck sake Paul, it’s not dial a vagina.”

“Would it have killed you to let her stay over? That’s fucking gross.”

“At least pay for the Uber back.”


More to come.


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