CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Virgin Australia is preparing to unveil a new name-change, after board members finally admitted to being fucked today.
This comes as sources reveal that Australia’s number two airline looks to go into voluntary administration, unable to survive under the weight of enormous debts and starved of cash by the coronavirus travel shutdown.
It is not yet known what the new name for the company will be, with one spokesperson suggesting maybe ‘Easy Airlines’ or ‘Experienced Australia’.
“Well, it just wouldn’t be accurate to keep going by the name Virgin” said the airline spokesperson.
“Now that we’ve been royally fucked in front of everyone”
“In fact, it isn’t just coronavirus that has fucked us, we’ve also been fucked by the government and QANTAS”
“That’s technically a foursome when you consider it all happened in the same bed”
“So yeah, Virgin Australia may as well re-write the entire Karma Sutra, that’s how much fucking has been going on”
Last week, prominent rural price gouger and number one on Bob Katter’s list of lifelong enemies, QANTAS CEO Alan Joyce, explained that it was only fair that his company should get a bailout from taxpayers if Virgin received one.
His tit-for-tat request seems to have influenced the Federal Government’s decision to let Virgin look to enter voluntary administration later this week, instead of giving every single company that puts planes into the air a slice of Sco-cialism.
The Betoota Advocate reached out to both Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and Alan Joyce for comment on today’s revelations, but both calls were sent directly to voicemail.
It is believed Frydenberg was too busy trying to burn up his remaining velocity points on a breadmaker, while Joyce was preoccupied drafting up the new $900 QANTAS flight specials from Brisbane to Sydney.
