CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
All the critics who said a career Labor politician from Sydney’s Northern Beaches wouldn’t be able to code-switch into the safe South-West electorate she has been parachuted into were proven wrong today.
This comes as the lower-house hopeful Kristina Keneally officially begins her election campaign in her ‘new home’ of Cabramatta.
Rocking heavily shellacked finger nails and driving an automatic Toyota Supra, the recently rebranded ‘Cabra Keneally’ appeared natural in her surroundings, as she elegantly navigated the predominantly Vietnamese menu at the Cabra-Vale Diggers Club,
Keneally’s ambitions move into the highly multicultural seat of Fowler has angered large factions within the ALP, including the outgoing MP, Chris Hayes – especially when it was revealed her selection would sideline Labor’s grassroots community candidate Tu Le.
Tu Le is a local success story as the lawyer daughter of Vietnamese refugees who have lived in Cabramatta since they arrived in Australia – However, Labor powerbrokers defend their decision to keep constantly shortballing Keneally every opportunity she requests in her efforts to eventually become Prime Minister.
With her current address registered as ‘Scotland Island’ in the Pittwater Estuary, her detractors say that the former NSW Premier would struggle to communicate with voters who have lived such culturally and economically different lives to hers.
This was proven not to be the case today, as Cabra Keneally ordered ‘Asian food’ for the first time in her lengthy political career.
“Yeah, ummmm” says Cabra Keneally, as she scans the endless list of different variations beef noodle soups and laksas at the counter today.
“Look, I’ll go off menu if you don’t mind”
“The secret ‘other menu’ that only US LOCALS know about haha”
Cabra Keneally looked around, hoping that they their might be some journalists nearby to document her supreme local knowledge.
“Just give me the Mongolian lamb and some steamed basmati rice”
“Hold the chilli please”
“Actually sweet chilli is fine”
“And ummm… hold the coriander”
Keneally nods to some of the nearby locals and increases the volume of her voice as she finished the order.
“AND can I have an Asahi with that. Gotta love a cold beer. US WESTIES love a cold beer” she declares, before immediately lowering her voice again.
“Also, um, can I please have a fork?”