ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The sixth Intergenerational Report (IGR) has been released today by the Treasury, attempting to predict what is going to happen in this country over the next 40 years. The idea is to outline the many challenges that the future holds, as well as a roadmap for how to potentially avoid disaster later down the track.

Unfortunately, the picture it paints wouldn’t be hung in a highway restroom.

“There are significant challenges moving forward,” said Treasurer Jim Chalmers this afternoon at the National Press Club.

“We either need to cut spending or hike taxes. We’re leaning towards hiking taxes. We need Millennials to pay more tax to cover the enormous task of supporting the Baby Boomers and Generation X in the long run. In fact, if you are a Millennial and your parents don’t have any money, life would’ve been better had you never been born.”

“That’s an honest assessment. We’re about to see the biggest transfer of wealth in human history – from the Baby Boomers to their offspring. If anything, this will create a deeper divide in Australian society and significantly impact the middle class. We’re going to become a nation of two classes: the haves and the have-nots.”

“The planet is also dying very quickly. There will be terrible bushfires, floods, and crop failures. We will continue to grow our economy using whatever masking Ponzi scheme we can until we’re removed from government by Andrew Hastie and the West Australian Separatist land army in 2035. Sure, it sounds grim, but I’m banking on technology saving us. Someone else will save us.”

“If someone invents an aged care robot, they will make Mike Cannon-Brooks look like your common park enthusiast in terms of wealth. Not that I have anything against Mike. We might need a loan from him moving forward, actually.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here