ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A senior public servant has called it a week and taken off overseas, leaving some important work until next week.

That’s if Prime Minister Anthony Albanese hasn’t called it a year, something he wasn’t able to confirm yesterday during his weekly public relations conference call he enjoys with The Advocate’s editorial team.

What Mr Albanese was able to confirm was legislation aimed at “taking care” of the 80 or so people released from perpetual immigration detention has been tabled and should enjoy a safe passage through Parliament as it was designed to.

“Look, uh, at the end of the day, uh, the average Australian couldn’t really give a fuck about what happens to these people,” he said.

“So, uh, with that in mind, I, uh, decided to simply do the bare minimum. Which is to essentially ignore their human rights and create some legislation with the help of our conservative cousins on the other side of the chamber that will prevent them from ever taking part in our society, and, uh, hopefully we can find a place for all of them in our regular prison system because at the end of the day, these, uh, whatever they are, they’re hardened criminals and they don’t belong here,”

“But, uh, yeah, they’re stuck here, uh, legally, so, I guess we’ll have to hope they break a law inside a state crimes act and they become the problem of the state prison system. But, ah, yeah, I didn’t want to fight the Opposition on this. I’m on my way to America now and I don’t need this bullshit hanging over my head. In, ah, ah perfect world, we’d, uh, just send them back to Myanmar and let the regime over there sort them out,”

“So anyway, guys, if you could put a positive spin on this for me, perhaps make it out to be like this was all Peter Dutton’s idea, that’d be great, uh, well. Anyway, uh, we’ll see. Talk to you on Wednesday.”

The Advocate reached out to the Office of the Opposition Leader for comment but only received yet another envelope filled to the brim with white powder that makes you cough uncontrollably.

More to come.


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