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Shadow Treasurer Angus Taylor has reportedly had the dog put up him by the Liberal Party’s shadowy executive team who insist that he be made leader if Opposition leader Peter Dutton fails to make any ground at the Dunkley by-election.

The mask-wearing, cloak-wrapped Liberal executive informed the Nimmitabel Numbat of their plan for him earlier today.

“Christ,” Mr Taylor was alleged to have said at the time.


The news comes as the Coalition (46) comes within two points of the Government (48) in the latest NewsPoll. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese still enjoys a double digit lead over Peter Dutton as Preferred Prime Minister.

Peter Dutton’s unelectability outside of Queensland and the finds of the Richardson inquiry, which outlined and proved that as Home Affairs minister, Dutton was ultimately responsible for the misappropriation of hundreds of millions of dollars of taxpayer money given to doubious companies and businesses that have been found to be engaging in criminal enterprise. Despite being warned countless times by his staff, Peter Dutton did nothing to stop or even investigate these businesses.

Angus Taylor explained to The Advocate today via wired telephone that he feels flattered by the nod but he remains confident that Peter Dutton will lead the Coalition to victory at the next election.

“Look, uh, I don’t think I’m that electable myself, uh, but, yeah,” he said.

“You know, I didn’t think Warren Entsch thought much of me, to be honest. But ah, the other day he stopped me as I was leaving the chamber and told me to have a seat. He, uh, goes to me, ‘Now you listen to me, you blue-eyed fuck! All of us got used to those in-power salaries over the past ten years and a lot of us aren’t living the same lifestyle anymore,’ he said that in a real mean way. You know, it was like getting a dressing down from Reverend Kurrle for getting caught smoking on the Doyle after dark or getting pinged climbing over the fence at Tara. Same kind of tone, you know,”

“That night, I go to the executive meeting and they’ve all got their robes on. That Senator James Paterson is nude on all fours in front of them, he’s acting as some sort of human coffee table. Typical Wendesday night for these new money cats. They tell me I’m up if Peter loses Dunkley. I think it was Phillip Ruddock in the deer mask but anyway, the bloke in the deer mask told me even the ‘untouchables of Western Sydney and outer Melbourne would put their trust in a well-built blue-eyed country boy in a pair of old moleskins’,”

“I reminded him of the, you know, controversy about my dealings with the Murray-Darling Basin Authority and they said it pales in comparison to what Peter’s been up to so I didn’t need to worry,”

“They reckon with the Prime Minister getting married, they need to bring out the big guns to win back the women of Australia. You can’t make this stuff up, you can’t.”

More to come.


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