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John Mellencamp’s ‘Jack And Diane’ Now Obese And Unemployed Trump Voters

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The American couple that John Mellencamp's 1982 American Heartland rock classic  'Jack & Diane' was based on say they are very happy to see Donald Trump elected into the White House. The couple, who were immortalised in the song that spent four weeks at number one on the Billboard Hot 100, say that life isn't as peachy as it...

Trump secures key Juggalo vote

9 November, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact BEFORE HEADING OUT TO vote, Dennis Gobbmann cleaned his Glock 23 and spent an hour putting on his makeup. The 24-year-old refrigeration technician was lucky to not cast his vote from the Jacksonville watchhouse today, after being arrested last night for throwing rocks at cars overnight. Making it clear to his social media followers...

Hillary Clinton’s Early Lead Attributed To Official Endorsement From Rapper Pitbull

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the US Presidential election well under way, some of America's most critical swing states are experiencing a surge in turnout among Latino voters, in an unexpected phenomenon that could provide a major boost to Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Statistics from Florida, Nevada, Georgia, North Carolina and Arizona all show a significant increase in the “sleeping giant” of Latin-American voters...

Report: Trump Voters Feel Ignored By Political System, Secretly Want To Watch World Burn

6 November, 2016 17:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent finding by The Borowitz Report shows that the almost unbelievable rise of Presidential nominee Donald Trump is attributed to the fact that most of his growing contingent of supporters feel that they have been ignored by the political system over the last twenty years of Government. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, Trump supporter Hank...

Exhausted Asylum Seekers Respectfully Turn Boat Around Upon Peter Dutton’s Request

31 October, 2016 10:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A boatful of obedient Asylum Seeker families, currently drifting through the Arafura sea, have shown a commendable level of respect this morning - by turning their leaking wooden vessel around and heading back to their war-torn homelands. Yesterday, the Australian Minister for Immigration, Peter Dutton, made it clear that stateless, war-weary boat humans would never be...

Australian Forgets He’s Overseas And Casually Weaves C-Bomb Into Conversation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact SPEAKING CANDIDLY TO HIS NEW friends at an after-work drinks party on a New York City rooftop, Peter Michaels forgot he was in the capital of world commerce and casually dropped a c-bomb mid-conversation. "Yeah mate, I hate that new cunt in HR. I can't wait until the prick goes cunt up at the Christmas...

Gina Rinehart Spotted In Shanghai Teaching Chinese Businessmen How To Push Cattle

24 October 2016. 11:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mining magnate Gina Rinehart has been spotted in regional Shanghai teaching members of her Chinese joint venture partnership how to ride horses and push cattle as she prepares to buy an iconic collection pastoral land in northern and central Australia. This comes after the announcement of an all-Australian syndicate putting forward $386 million for the Kidman cattle empire, outbidding...

“This Is Fucking Crook” Says Rest Of The World

20 October 2016. 14:25 EDITORIAL The rest of the world stood in horror today, as the last remaining media publications that cover politics live-streamed the most important political confrontation of modern history. Two of the must unlikable and untrustworthy American public figures battled it out for over an hour debating things that presidential candidates should have no business talking about. Namely: Emmy Awards...

Backpacker’s head still spinning 6 weeks after smoking that first Gitanes in Paris

19 October, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ROMAN DONAGHUE ENJOYED THE occasional Winfield Sky Blue after a few work drinks on a Friday afternoon, he'd never consider himself to be one of those smokers that doctors frown upon. Waking up the next morning, he'd always feel a 'cheeky guilt' over having a sneaky ciggie. However, he's tragically still feeling...

Carl Barron wins 17th annual Paul Kelly look-a-like contest in Hobart

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact COMEDIAN CARL BARRON HAS taken out the 17th annual Paul Kelly look-a-like contest in Hobart this afternoon, after nearly a decade of entering the competition. While travelling around Australia, Paul Kelly made his first public performance in 1974 in Hobart. He sang a few Bob Dylan numbers in a small Salamanca Place folk club - and the...

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