World News

Joe Hockey responds to budget by throwing television off embassy balcony

4 May, 2016. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN A RARE LAPSE OF judgement, former treasurer turned ambassador Joe Hockey was seen throwing a television off a fourth story balcony yesterday as Scott Morrison delivered his first address on the nation's chequebook. The Dick Smith brand 52-inch plasma was about to receive a National Heritage seal for being an exceptionally...

Lebanese Authorities Don’t Seem To Understand Tara Brown Is Kind Of A Big Deal

10 April, 2016. 13:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following a bungled child snatch in Lebanon, a 60 Minutes crew and the mother at the centre of at trans-national custody battle, are spending their third night behind bars, as Australian diplomats work for their release. However, what the Lebanese authorities don't seem to understand is that one member of the Australian investigative...

WOW! This Filthy Tap In The Slums Of Mumbai The Key To Instant Weight Loss

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After amazing success in the UK, North America and Canada, the most effective new weight loss craze is finally making its way to Australia! Everyone seems to be talking about Dharavi Tap Water Program! (also known as Spitty Bum Fat Burner)  - It is said to be a “Dual Action Fat Buster” that suppresses appetite and prevents fat from...

Shannon Noll Linked To Panama Papers Money Laundering Scandal

6 April, 2016. 10:30 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 2003 Australian Idol runner-up, Shannon Noll is believed to be hiding out at his family farm in Condobolin today, after leaked tax documents known as the Panama Papers revealed accusations that he and his wife used an offshore firm to allegedly hide million-dollar investments. The unprecedented leak of more than 11 million documents from...

Reclaim Australia Endorses Hillary Clinton For President Of The World

5 April, 2016. 18:15 PADDY MUNRO | Contributor | CONTACT In a surprise move, local patriot Daryn Lynch passionately defended his support for US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton at the Pastorla Hotel last night. The Reclaim Australia member had previously announced support for republican front-runner Donald Trump, but last night changed sides after learning of Clinton’s unimpeachable record of bullying Muslims. “Mate I love trump’s wall idea, we...

Historians Agree Captain Cook Arrived With Carton Of Piss, Keen To Make Friends

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After realising that Australian politics was missing his wildly unhelpful input, Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has returned to breakfast television with another hot take about the opinion of an uppity female professional. Dutton has joined a chorus of relevance-deficient conservatives condemning Victoria's Deputy Chief Health Officer Annaliese van Diemen for her comparisons of Captain Cook's arrival on Australian shores...

Waleed Aly To Deliver Introspective Monologue Through Belgian Flag Filter Tonight

23 March, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN RESPONSE TO THE RECENT terrorist bombings in Brussels, Waleed Aly has announced his intention to deliver his opening monologue tonight on The Project through a Belgian flag filter. The 37-year-old television personality is often the voice of reason when terror takes hold around the world. His impartiality and careful explanation of...

Local Man Condemns Entire Religion Shortly After Learning Where Brussels Is

23 March, 2016. 09:35 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Shortly after learning that the capital of Belgian is known as Brussels, local mechanic Todd Daisley has today declared that an entire religious community of 1.6 billion people is pure evil. The 52-year-old says he doesn't like what he's been hearing about this specific monotheistic Abrahamic religion lately. He says it's almost ruined Easter," "They...

John Howard returns home from Contiki trip in one piece

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IT WAS THE TRIP of a lifetime for the former prime minister, who arrived safely this afternoon in Sydney. After dedicating much of his life to the Australian public, John Howard thought it was about time to let down whatever hair he had left. "I was looking into doing those riverboat cruises you see on television...

Australia Celebrates Annual ‘Chew Through One Pint Of Guinness Before Going Back To XXXX Gold’ Day

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Tens of thousands of revellers around Australia instantly regret buying that first pint of Guinness on St Patrick's Day each year. If they can power through until the bottom of the glass, they sure as hell aren't going to be ordering another one. "There's two reasons why I'm switching to XXXX Gold after this pint," said Brisbane...

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