The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Melbourne residents have today been reminded of yesterdays traumatising events, with some early morning earthquake aftershocks. At roughly 5.55am this morning the city and its surrounds experienced 'significant Magnatude aftershocks,' after 19-year-old Brayden Simpson from Frankston decided to fire up his canon. Letting the canon on the back of his 2001 Mitsubishi Magna purr for a few minutes...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A semi-retired accountant from Betoota's Flight Path District has today fulfilled his duty by making a disgusting reference to the healthy intimacy he still shares with his wife. 62-year-old Billy Nixon has never been a prude, and he also takes great pleasure in helping his kids visualise him and their mother in the cot. Like many suburban dads...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A resident of the cosmopolitan Adelaide Hills region has confirmed just how big the Melbourne earthquake was today. Speaking to The Advocate via telephone a short time ago, a local drama queen has revealed that she felt the tectonic event in her comfortable little 6 bedroom Gumeracha home. "It was quite something, I tell you," explained Ura Idla...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Second-hand clothing outlets across Melbourne say they are being inundated with brand new high visibility workwear, as the conspiracists who spent the last few days pretending to be angry tradies run out of steam. Some councils have also stopped offering free landfill disposal for charities due to the abundance of hi-vis, that is now clogging up the bins...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has today had to swallow his pride and begin negotiations with the construction industry, after a numbers buildings experienced substantial structural damage following an earthquake in Melbourne this morning. A 'watch and act' emergency warning has been issued for Victoria as residents are told to brace for more aftershocks after an earthquake struck the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time ever, Melbourne's residents actually mean it when they say "I am literally shook rn" This comes as three earthquakes strike in north-east Victoria, with tremors felt across the state, New South Wales, Canberra and as far as Adelaide and Launceston. People in Sydney claim to have felt it, but that is likely a gee up because they have...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An uneasy and confused marriage of distressed construction workers and anti-vaxxer protestors are marching through Melbourne again this afternoon, as the city reaches boiling point after nearly 300 days in lockdown since the pandemic began. Both Victorian police and Union officials have come out to clarify that they believe these riots have been orchestrated by far-right-extremists aimed at...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A dreadlocked Xavier Rudd-looking hippy currently banging out reggae ballads outside the CFMEU head office in Melbourne has told reporters that he's just a hard working tradie who disagrees with the idea of mandatory jabs for construction workers. This comes as more than 500 people dressed as construction workers have gathered outside the Construction, Forestry, Maritime, Mining and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT LIFELONG LOYALTY: Victoria has today recorded another 567 new community cases in greater Melbourne, bumping the number of active cases in the state to 5,675. There are 209 Victorians in hospital, 59 of those are in intensive care and 40 are on a ventilator. Of those in hospital, 86 per cent are not vaccinated and 12 per cent...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Farmers Federation has this week released the findings of a recent report into where the Outback officially starts. NFF President Fiona Simson says the 'DIVERSITY OF REMOTENESS' report was commissioned with the aim of advising legislators and bureaucrats in the different needs and characteristics of rural Australia. "We want to crush the myth that anywhere west of...