The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Bass player Don Di Bias (33) conducted a soul-crushing experiment during a performance with his ska band Es-Ska-Go when he stopped playing just to see if anyone would notice, or care. Gearing up for a performance where 3,000 were invited and 12 replied saying the were 'interested,' Di Bias wanted to test how much the audience appreciated...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With the number of bathroom mirror selfies and preventable ecstasy overdoses stacking up, it is clear festival season is well and truly humming in Australia. This trend has lead research scientists at the CSIRO to release findings that it is physically impossible for anyone to attend a festival without first taking a selfie in the bathroom mirror...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Opposition leader Bill Shorten has had an egg on his face moment this weekend after discovering he had been driving with his indicator on for the past 11 years. This comes after Shorten’s notorious 'Bill Bus' wound up its trip around Queensland to prove Prime Minister Scott Morrison isn't the only one who can travel around the state...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT New studies show that a perfect connection between the bare palms of two eager pub patrons is the most clear indicator that it's been a while between drinks - and that this one might go all night. This follows a recent report by the Association of Various Assortment Of Stage, Sound, Catering, Hospitality United Network Of Australia (AVASSCHUNA) has...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Peter Dutton (48) has defended his nearly half a million dollars in personal expenses today, stating it is not easy for him to get people to join him for dinner. Dutton explained it was necessary for him to rack up $450,000 worth of dinners and drinks, wining and dining people who would have never had a meal with...

CONURRA COOLMORE | Ponies et al. | Contact The nation's punters have expressed shock this week after one of horse racing's most colourful personalities might be crooked. As news broke surrounding Darren Weir potentially getting up to no good began to spread around the country, major newspapers stopped the presses and television news stations took a broke into regular programming to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told reporters this afternoon from outside a Brisbane demolition derby and caravan expo that his government is exporing alternative energy options as a coal lobbyist's checque bounced overnight. As the nation's second nightwatchman, after Kevin Rudd in 2016, ScoMo has reportedly said he's willing to make a captain's call on...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT John's Hair, A local male grooming institution in the Flight Path District central business strip, actually hasn't changed much since it set up shop in 1979. Same lino floor, same chairs, and in some instances - the same ointments. But the most noticeable constant is John himself. Judging by the three photos on the wall, which are unofficially time-stamped by...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet| CONTACT In some breaking news from the curfew capital of the country, Sydney, Fairfax has reportedly lined up a replacement for feminist icon Clementine Ford. Reports emerging this morning suggest that the powers at be at Nine Newspapers are looking to anoint fellow feminist icon Steve Price as her replacement. This comes after Ford sensationally quit the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Prime Minister has all but confirmed the rumours surrounding white people and dancing, that's according to his loyal Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, Uncle Tony X. The respected Northern Beaches elder and Member Of Warringah has been quick to criticise The Nightwatchman's attempt at shake-a-leg yesterday, stating that the performance was so white that if his dance moves...