The Nation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local finance worker in our town's Old City District sat down with The Advocate today to explain why drug testing welfare recipients 'just makes sense.' The aspiring Junior Partner at a commercial law firm named James Silver-Spoon told us that he can't understand why people don't agree with him. "Look, if these people are expecting a handout from...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some of the lesser complaints tomorrow will be from a group of Old City District workers who'll say that they feel 'stiffer than a boogie board' and 'tighter than tetanus'. The more serious ones come from three of their mates who probably won't make it into the office tomorrow. Inspired by the opening session of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An internal report commission by Cricket Australia has concluded that icon of the modern game, Shane Warne, is never far from the on-field action. While it's been rumoured to have been the case for many years, this new study all but confirms Shane's ongoing positive influence on the team. Before play began on Day 5 of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter leasing agent has cast another thesaurus into the landfill bin this afternoon as the glue in the spin began to fail. The glue failed because agent Doug Morisset spends most mornings thumbing his way through it trying to find boutique, bespoke and artisan synonyms for what a property is really like. The Advocate...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | ContactE After sucking for the past two weeks, cricket is now good again according to a government report. Some at the CSIRO go as far as saying it's great after Australia retained The Ashes in England for the first time since the collapse of Ansett. Combined with yet another stellar performance from Steve Smith and the kennel...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sydney's nightlife-crushing lockout laws look to be incrementally rolled back across the city, after Crown Casino revealed that they are getting close to laying the roof tiles on that new Casino that they were somehow allowed to build. NSW Premier Gladys Berejikjlian said it's time for jobs to return to the night-time economy, after the three revolving NSW Liberal...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The often-forgotten team behind the Wallabies history victory tonight against Samoa have pulled into Maccas on the way home and treated themselves. “Three mediums McChicken meals,” they cooed. “With a water.” The Australians won 34-15 in David Pocock’s last game on home soil. The pigeons say they were privileged to see it. “I only wish...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A northside father has told his friends down the local this afternoon that he knows his middle daughter works in banking - but doesn't really understand the roll. Darcy Beeres, of 'Top Conbar' on the Wilson River Road popped into The Gladstone on Byng on his way home this afternoon when a mate of his...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The Bureau Of Meteorology has today urged the nation to take the arrival of the warmer weather seriously. With Spring rolling in this week and bringing warmer temperatures with it, the nation's peak weather body has reminded everyone that it's important to keep your fluid levels up as the mercury rises. Speaking on television this afternoon, a meteorologist...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A leaked government report has suggested that the Biloela family at the centre of the deportation saga abused sales staff at the Darwin airport Camilla pop-up in a last-ditch attempted to be classed as white South African farmers. Slipping away into the fashion outlet, the family browsed the collections and trinkets before finding a staff...