Sydney’s nightlife-crushing lockout laws look to be incrementally rolled back across the city, after Crown Casino revealed that they are getting close to laying the roof tiles on that new Casino that they were somehow allowed to build.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejikjlian said it’s time for jobs to return to the night-time economy, after the three revolving NSW Liberal Party leaders spent five years ignoring the advice of other international cities and basically anyone not completely blinded by the warm handshakes of property developers and the gambling lobby.

The 1:30am lockouts are expected to be lifted in the CBD entertainment district, which includes Oxford Street, but will remain in place for Kings Cross.

“Gotta do it” says Berejikjlian.

“No real reason. Just…. Thinking of doing it again”

“You guys keen?”

The legislation was introduced in 2014 with the aim of reducing alcohol-fuelled violence, particularly in Kings Cross, after the one-punch-related deaths of two of the 156,0000 partygoers that visited the nightlife precinct that year.

After five years of watching small bar owners and publicans lose everything to low key house parties, and an alarming spike in class A drugs being recorded in the Sydney sewerage readings, Crown Casino have said they are good to go.

“We are just about ready to go here” the controversial casino group told the

“Open the pubs back up… if you want. We should be able to hit the ground running without losing too many patrons to music and stuff like that”

“We need you to focus on lining up the express visas for our Chinese mates at the airport”

Berejikjlian’s decision appears to have been aided by the fact that she really needs to mend her relationship with young people, after it became clear that her own government was made up of about 12 state MPs who would cross the floor to avoid allowing vulnerable women access to safe abortions in NSW.

“Lets partayyy” said Berejikjlian, while doing the ‘floss dance’ for cameras in Willoughby today.

St Vincent’s Hospital said it was a “disappointing” announcement and means a lot more for the historically good blokes that are brain and face surgeons, who will have to now work later hours for their million dollar salaries.


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