Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The alternative Northern Rivers enclave of Nimbin is no where near as good as it used to be, it has been confirmed. This was clarified last night at a pre-Christmas dinner with Dad's side of the family, as the one uncle who can speak as an authority of on this topic decided to put to bed any suggestions that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local mum has been done, it can be confirmed this morning. Betoota Heights matriarch Beverly London has been fleeced by some random scammers this week, after assuming that her kids would send her a message from a random number asking for money. The fleecing comes amidst a scourge of "Hi Mum" messages, with millions of dollars apparently...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACTThat emo cousin that you only see, and try to avoid, at the family Christmas party is “fuckin over this shit” according to a Facebook post that is heavy on emphasis but characteristically light on details. “I’m not really sure what it’s all about” said moderately concerned cousin Peter, 22. “I feel like I should give Adrian a call...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTAn outdoor table is being set with cold cuts of ham and shaved turkey this afternoon, as a Betoota family joins forces to save the dignity of their long-suffering Uncle.After recently going through a divorce with his wife of 11 years, The Advocate understands members of the Cartwright and Henderson family have come together to arrange...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With more and more Australians starting their days hungover and organising their weekends around the best place to have a bevvy, a new cafe is doing its bit to lend a hand. Accommodating this seasonal switch is Betoota cafe The Downtrod Den, which has just brought in a shipment of new heads to sell to weary coffee drinkers on...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA loyal company man is juicing the most out of a work trip this morning, as he tackles an extravagant breakfast buffet head on.After spending the last 8 years stuck on the shop floor of his local Bing Lee franchise, it’s believed Betoota Heights white-goods salesman Toby Ford has finally been gifted the chance to indulge...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT If friends were to describe their mate Blake Renshaw, they’d all say he was a pretty normal Aussie bloke. However Blake has a deep, dirty secret. He hates cricket. “Mate I don’t get it, besides that Warnie guy, most of the players have the personality of a Kmart lamp,” Blake told The Advocate. “The game takes too long, those test...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT The Australian Lawn Council has issued a red alert this morning, as the nation comes to grips with a long grass crisis. After an unusually wet November and December which saw flooding in regions across the country, it’s understood that the government body responsible for lawn monitoring has yanked the starter cord on its emergency signal system...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local penny pincher appears to be having a laugh this morning, turning up for 18-holes of golf with only two clubs and a request to borrow the rest.Despite sitting on a healthy $110,000 a year pay packet thanks to his job in the finance sector, The Advocate understands local Accountant Sam Rahm is unpopular with...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Preparing for a cheeky little evening around the fire pit, local dork Keigan Pringle has confirmed he would be absolutely useless in an apocalypse after cracking open a back of servo kindling. Living on a semi-rural property on the outskirts of Betoota, Pringle considers himself to be discreetly prepared in the event of a societal downfall as long as...