Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local resident has today felt the full wrath of the Woolworths monopoly, after attempting to pinch a loose grape in the fruit and deli section. What appeared to be a reasonable way of disposing of an unaccounted for piece of produce quickly became a life and death situation for local travel agent, Kristy Foulton (27), as it...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After years of fighting for their right to get legally married, Australia's LGBTI community are beginning to fear that all of their hard work is going to waste. As prominent conservative media and political figures continue to undermine the entire concept and sanctity of marriage, there is concern for same-sex marriages not being as special as everyone had...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has today spoken out about his undeniable rebrand in the eyes of the nation's women, and some men. Following news that the three-times-elected Member For New England is still a bit of a rooter, and evidently still firing hollow points, at 50-years-of-age, there have been numerous requests for centre-fold photo shoots from leading...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The pale as fuck ankles on a local formwork and concreting professional has given clear indication that he is the man you want pouring your slab. The sock-tan, which is absolutely symmetric on both legs, marks several decades of non-stop formwork, pouring and polishing. The ancient Australian practice of refusing to ever counter the sock-tan is most prevalent in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Across the Eastern Seaboard, residents who aren't yet flooding are praising the downfall on their corrugated iron rooftops - a nostalgic pastime likened to the most powerful sleeping tablets. In fact, the pitter-patter of ran on tin is reportedly even more effective than muscle relaxants and opiates, according to a new study by the QUIPs (Queensland United Interests...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact For most normal people, business conferences are a chance get a paid day out of the office, make painful small talk with coworkers and come home with a bag full of useless shit. However, for up-and-coming businessman Thomas Cunningham (28) he was so glad to meet you at the conference and can’t wait to chat...

LEROY PERCIVAL | Investigative | CONTACT A local baby boomer, who’s previously struggled to really enjoy anything, has finally found something to sink his teeth into, after discovering that the Facebook has a page called DashCam Owners Of Australia. 64 year-old Derryn Jones, a pioneer of the DashCam craze, had tried numerous hobby’s over the years, including cycling, jet skiing and leaf blowing (both...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Wilson’s life has never been particularly exciting, but they reached a whole new level of white bread today, after officially registering to attend the live filming of a TV program. Sources close to the family contacted The Advocate, alerting us to fact that the family of 4 had achieved peak vanilla and put their names...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact "No that hasn't fixed it. It only made it worse" says local retiree, Annette Mckoy down the phone to a stranger named Reni. "I think you've ruined our Skype, Reni" she says. Reni works in the call room for Telstra, and is quite familiar with baby boomers calling him about random issues they are having with applications and software that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sun spots, a brief stint of unemployment and an illegitimate child. That was the year that was for the Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce. Unlike his glorious headlines of 2016, which involved the Johnny Depp saga and the rescuing of local councils between Armidale and Tamworth - 2017/18 hasn't been as kind to the Member for New England. While there...