Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Janet Kingston (28) would never so much as look at another man, that's how committed she is in her relationship with her boyfriend of three-years, Jed. So much so that she doesn't even have a celebrity crush, or any ex-boyfriends on Facebook. That is, until Jed's 130 kilogram mate Billy enters a room. While an electrician by trade, Billy...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by Jakey's greater social circle has found that he might be on here, so don't do anything that makes him look stupid. This includes shit-talk, or unnecessary floating around near him. However, the most important thing to do is not act like you know he's on the tune. The 25-year-old painting supplies specialist hasn't had a good...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Living overseas can be an amazing experience for Australians to learn a language and make friends from elsewhere in the world. This has been the case for one worldly South Betoota finance professional, Clyde Milan (30). After taking a job in London in 2016, Clyde has been lucky enough to travel across Europe for both work and travel over the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While waiting for a flight back up North to the Isa, Bob Katter MP has today made friends with some American blokes that have been working out of Yass. While helping himself to a XXXX and soda, the maverick Independent for Kennedy got to talking to a food and wine expert named Antoni. "I represent an electorate that's quite big on...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While Australians have always based the liveability of a suburb on the cost of property, the hysterical east coast housing crisis has now resulted in an average metropolitan house price of roughly around a million dollars, even in areas that are still quite rough. This means that even with two high-paying incomes, a reckless bank manager and two sets...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news out of Brisbane, the iconic voice of Rugby League, Ray 'Rabbits' Warren has just confirmed that This. Is. Origin. The Rugby League veteran who's seen it all, told The Advocate just moments ago that the game of football just about to kick off, is in fact Origin. Game 1 of this year's series...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Gibbs family has today braced itself for the incoming flood of GIFs. This comes after the household matriarch, Kathleen, discovered how to send GIFs in the family chat. She has since moved to sending them to each individual relative off-thread via text. GIFs have been a staple for many people with smartphones over the last few years as the...

KENT REGINALD | Nightlife| CONTACT A local bouncer and all-round top bloke is genuinely concerned about how much a punter has had to drink before he got to the night club, several eyewitnesses are reporting tonight. Jon Biggun, a 37 year old Betoota man who works door security at local nightclub ‘Tooty Frooty’, was reportedly carrying out his usual Monday night security duties...

There have been some stern words at the Daily Telegraph today after a serious error was made in putting the paper together last night. One of the editors of the  Harbour City's highest-circulated newspaper, Kristofer Window took the night off to enjoy some time with his family. Wrongly assuming that he was leaving the paper in good hands. However, he was...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent study conducted by the Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LitFam) ombudsman shows that any form of social event that occurs during the Sabbath must be referred to as a 'session' or it's not even worth attending. These findings come from a survey of over 1000 subjects, made up of both pub patrons and event promoters. The study finds...