Politics

Dutton Vows To Stop Refugees From Taking Jobs Sweeping Cow Guts In Remote QLD Meatworks

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Western Queensland town that is already struggling to get young people to live and work there, is now one family less, after Border Force kicked in the front door of a family of Sri Lankan asylum seekers who's visa had expired by 24 hours. Nadesalingam and Priya, and their children aged two years and nine months, have lived...

IWD: Senator Cash Vows To Leave No Women Behind When It Comes To Career-Ruining Rumours

INGRID DOULTON | IWD | CONTACT Former Minister For Women Michaelia Cash has thrown her full support behind International Women's Day by promising the public that she will be fully inclusive of all female colleagues in her efforts to besmirch their names and undermine their careers with unproven rumours. This comes after last week's controversy that saw the Liberal MP has come under fire for her...

Bob Katter Refuses To Disclose Where His Deadly New Boots Came From

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Honourable Bob Katter III MP has told journalists he won't be spending anymore time on this issue that surrounds where he got his flash new boots. The leather boots, which don't look like they've been made by his mates at Prospect Street, appear to be made out of a reptillian animal hide. This has led to questions that Katter...

“Literally No One Uses The Word Bonk. Stop Saying It” Nation Tells Canberra

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The growing divided between the public and Australia's news organisations and politicians has been on display for all over the last month, sexual rumours, innuendo and personal attacks make their way out of hotel rooms and into the headlines. Popularised in early 1990s British comedies, the word 'bonk' has made a return to national vernacular as journalists and politicians begin...

Senator Paterson Feeling Both Political And Youthful In His Flash New Brown Suit

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Liberal Senator for Victoria, James Paterson has stepped out in style this afternoon. The career politician appears to be struggling after he turned the big three oh a few months back, and has made an attempt at combating his quarter life crisis by buying some new threads. Paterson, who previously had only ever made news when people were talking about...

Bill Shorten Says He’s Open To Saving Great Barrier Reef, Maybe, If You Vote For Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bill Shorten has reportedly told environmental groups that he is open to possibly rushing to rescue planet earth's oldest living organism and Australia's greatest natural wonder, possibly. This, however, would require Shorten to take steps to revoking the Adani mine licence, and in turn butting heads with just about every pro-coal bureaucrat in federal and Queensland politics. "Maybs" said Shorten. "Like,...

Trump Reportedly Declined Turnbull’s Offer Of Traditional Shoey During Meeting

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact   The Prime Minister has refused to comment on his American counterpart declining a traditional shoey during a meeting, saying only he respected his wishes not to have one. "I will not be talking about that incident," he said. "Next question." But that incident has begun to overshadow his visit to Washington. Malcolm Turnbull reportedly removed his boot...

Mathias Cormann’s First Act as Acting PM Was To Appoint Jean-Claude Van Damme His Deputy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Belgian-born acting Prime Minister Mathais Cormann has taken advantage of his newfound powers by appointing Belgian-born action star Jean-Claude Van Damme as his deputy. The West Australian also threw the gauntlet down to Malcolm Turnbull, saying that he could have his old job back - he just has to get through both of them first. He invited...

PM Regretfully Confirms Barnaby Joyce Has Taken Leave To Appear On I’m A Celebrity!

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse for Malcolm Turnbull, they have. This morning, the Prime Minister was forced to address rumours that his deputy Barnaby Joyce had taken leave not to hide from the spotlight of public outrage - but to appear on Network Ten's cornerstone programme, I'm A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here! Turnbull spoke...

Seething Barnaby Wonders If The Point Piper Toff Could Even Land A Fucking Glove On Him

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A visible divide down the middle of the Coalition was on display the afternoon, as the Deputy Prime Minister began fantasising about having a dip with the top hat. During a reluctant meeting between the Nationals Leader and Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, the Deputy was seen to be drifting off while daydreaming about dusting off the elite Eastern Suburbs...

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