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Patriot Spoils Self With Kilogram Of Prawns Marked As Brown Onions At Self Check Out

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For 23-year-old Jackson Kleist, it's not every day you get to live like a king. Occasionally the base-wage earning property manager will be treated to a bit of cocaine, free-of-charge, when his 62-year-old boss sells a tidy two-bedder for over three million. Occasionally, the bus driver will give him that 'I-didn't-see-anything' nod when his GoCard declines on the bus to...

Tony Abbott Starts Supporting The Rabbitohs And Calling Female Colleagues ‘Sis’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After days of hesitation, former prime minister Tony Abbott has drastically changed his conversational vernacular and begun wearing as much red, black and yellow jewellery as possible. This comes after the Member for Warringah gave a conditional yes to taking on the job of the Federal Government's Indigenous envoy. Prime Minister Scott Morrison did not ask Mr Abbott to be...

Rich White Dude From Sydney Replaces Rich White Dude From Sydney As PM

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In breaking news out of the nation's capital, a rich white dude from Sydney has replaced another rich white dude from Sydney as the Prime Minister. After an incredible week in the bush capital, a rich white man named Scott Morrison has replaced Malcolm Turnbull as the Prime Minister of Australia today. This comes after Scott Morrison stormed home late...

Malcolm Turnbull Quits Parliament And Boards One Way Flight To Cayman Islands

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Departing Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has thrown the towel in today, announcing that he is quitting parliament, and has called the second leadership spill this week.  After digging his heels in for most of the week, Turnbull finally called the meeting to decide the next Prime Minister of the country, after receiving a letter with 43 signatures on it asking...

Liberal Party Self-Immolates

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Liberal Party of Australia have today performed a very shocking act of self-immolation, in protest against the difficulties of running a unified government in 2018. The act of self-immolation, or setting one's self on fire, was brought on by the Former Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton and his band of old white conservative supporters. This comes after news broke...

Bachelor Ratings Crash As Federal Politics Provides More Irrational Conflict And Petty Drama

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT It was a bad night for soon to be former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and an even worse one for Channel Ten. With the nation’s attention being held to ransom by the Coalition Government’s leadership debacle, one of the station’s flagship reality programs suffered a massive hit. The much hyped and anticipated season of the Bachelor, featuring the...

Report: Politicians Are Fucking Losers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Malcolm Turnbull's Prime Ministership remains vulnerable after several senior ministers offered their resignations overnight, and reports more fucking losers Liberals are switching allegiances to Peter Dutton. This follows a new report by the University of Western Queensland that all politicians in both state and federal politics, and quite often local politics, are the biggest losers in their community. The report...

Liberal Backbenchers Terrified They Might Have To Send Their Kids To Local Public Schools

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT It can be confirmed today that the fear of God is in the heart of the Liberal Party backbenchers. The motley crew of middle-aged white men and a few white women are freaking out that if things keep going the way they are, their children may have to pay the ultimate price. The ultimate price being forced to send...

Bill Shorten Begins Studying Videos Of Steven Bradbury’s 2002 Olympic Gold Medal Win

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Malcolm Turnbull has beaten Peter Dutton 48-35 in a snap Liberal leadership spill. The Prime Minister forced his rival to show his hand by declaring all leadership positions vacant as soon as the party room meeting started this morning. Mr Turnbull won the vote and his deputy Julie Bishop was the only candidate for her role. But the result...

DNA Test Finds Bob Katter To Be Distant Cousins With Barking Man From A Current Affair

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following an immediate DNA test conducted by the recently repaired ABC Fact Checker, answers regarding Bob Katter's alleged Venetian-Semetic-Aboriginal-Lebanese-Irish-Catholic ancestry remain still as muddy as they were during his 10 minute press conference in Cairns on Wednesday. During his lengthy, at times irrelevant and borderline incoherent rant regarding his newly inaugurated Senator Fraser Anning's comments about putting forward a...

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