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In his first week as a Trade Advisor for the United Kingdom, Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony Abbott has today done more for regional Australia than he did in his entire career as a Federal MP.
As Boris Johnson’s newest recruit to a conservative British government working tirelessly to seperate itself from the European Union, Abbott has been entrusted to help the tories navigate their way through the casual xenophobia of the BREXIT deal like only he can.
However, as many people in the United Kingdom are yet to realise, ‘Uncle Tony’ has been living a life as a double agent for the Australian Aboriginal community his role as the Special Envoy For Indigenous Affairs, in the dying days of his political career.
After Abbott proved to be somewhat of a white ant to his own government after being ousted from the top job, Prime Minister Scott Morrison did not invite him to be a minister in his new Government, but instead asked him to take on the role of envoy, citing his close association with Aboriginal Australia after growing up in a six bedroom mansion in Sydney’s Northern Beaches and working for the Liberal Party for nearly three decades.
In the months before he was voted out for an Independent candidate in the safest conservative seat in Australia, Uncle Tony was radicalised by his black brothers and sisters – this saw him finish his political career as one of the most vocal advocates for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people to ever grace the brutalist hallways of Parliament House.
However, it seems Uncle’s sleeper cell activism was not limited to Canberra, as he begins infiltrating the British political system.
Today, UK Trade Advisor Tony Abbott has called for Boris Johnson to completely severe all ties with the Atlanta-based soft drink giant Coca-Cola Amatil.
Instead, the Brits will now only be importing their fizzy drinks from the iconic rural NSW beverage factory, Lillyman Bros.
Famous for their cordials and soft drinks, Lillyman’s have been a corner store staple in the town Moree and surrounds for close to a century.
In that time, the family-owned soft drinkmaker has become a favourite within the Indigenous communities of North West NSW and South West QLD.
Executives for the multibillion dollar US corporation behind Coke and Fanta have made it known they are furious at the prospect of no longer being the number one soft drink supplier to the United Kingdom. However, Prime Minister Johnson has backed the advice of Uncle Tony and refuses to bow to the political influence of Coca-Cola Amatil.
At time of press, The Lillyman’s factory located on Moree’s Anne street had advertised 150,537 new positions for warehouse and logistics staff through SEEK.com.au