After an exciting 48 hours in the world of cricket, the English cricketing team have confirmed they want to keep the good times rolling.

This comes after the players, coaching staff and greater cricketing establishment revealed they want to keep sooking for the foreseeable future.

The sooking comes as a result of the Johnny Bairstow dismissal, which the English believe was the ‘against the spirit of the game.’

Despite being completely legal, and completely inline with the actions of their players since the invention of cricket, the English are still crying into their flat lukewarm lagers which they are refusing to share with the Australians.

Vague use of phrases about spirit, equality and morality have been thrown around by the nation made famous for its ability to invade and conquer the rest of the world with a base level of morality so low it would make an op shop thief look like a saint.

“I would hate to win like that,” said the British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, a billionaire toff who became Prime Minister without an election and has never won anything other than a game of cards ‘fairly.’

His comments come on top of the doubling down from coach Brendon McCullum, who was notorious as a player for ruthlessly playing dirty and running players out against the spirit of the game.

Stuart Broad, who is famous for refusing to walk when he middled one to third slip, refuses to appeal for wickets, and has celebrated run outs similar to Bairstow’s in jovial fashion has also continued sooking.

Of course captain Ben Stokes has pretended like he would never do anything of the sort, despite never having proven otherwise and happily celebrating/refusing to talk to the umpire about a bullshit win against New Zealand in the One Day World Cup final.

It’s believed the cumulative sooking may have something to do with the superiority complex of the nation who refuses to acknowledge the racism within their moral and noble game, and can’t handle being beaten after spending a year telling the world they are re-inventing cricket.

However, while it is entertaining for the rest of the world to watch the English cricketing establishment embarrass themselves, it is probably time they give it a bit of a rest.

Just until Headingley on Thursday night.


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