Things were looking up for young Hugo Watson-Wilson this year.

With the start to his university degree all going to plan, a new friendship group formed, a new persona developed, the rest of his post-school life was looking promising.

That was until today, when a classmate from his Betoota Grove school strolled right on into his History of Economics Lecture.

In that one cruel moment, Watson-Wilson said he felt like his entire world came crashing down.

Moving to Melbourne from Betoota at the start of the year, the young Commerce student at a popular sandstone institution thought he had free reign to re-invent himself as a person.

A process that he said had gone perfectly.

“Man, I did the 3-month European tour, grew out the beard, changed my aesthetic and became a woker, cooler, looser version of myself,” said Watson-Wilson today.

“The high school days of debating, sports mediocrity and struggling at interacting with people immediately outside of my friendship group seemed like an eternity ago.”

“No one knew me down here, no one knew my story. No one knew I was a bit of a loser. I became cool Hugo.”

“But as soon as that fuck, Andrew Stasić from school walked in I knew it was over.”

Watson-Wilson said he tried to ignore the only person in the city who knew his back story, but said it was to now avail.

“He walked straight up to me. Let’s just fucking hope he hasn’t joined the Business Society or Young Labor.”

“If he has I’m moving to Hobart.”


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