CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Former Betoota Dolphins 3rd Grade prop, Rick Chassis (37) has today laced up the ASICS and pounded them into the dirt track out the back of the Flight Path District golf course.
After years of slowly adding layers to his dense husk, the local woodwork teacher has finally decided enough is enough, and is today starting his weight loss journey not a minute too late.
“It’s time to return the man my wife married back to her” he says.
“I was a buck ten at the most back then, but now I’m scraping the thirties”
“I’m getting a bit beyond portly. I’m starting to turn veer into ‘beach ball’ territory”
Mr Chassis says his decision to embark on this health kick was one spurred on by the images of North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un that he saw on the news last night.
This comes as the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s surprises both his adoring citizens and the international new media with his impressive physical appearance.
The North Korean dictator was the guest of honour at a military parade in the capital city Pyongyang this week, as thousands of North Koreans turned out to celebrate the country’s 73rd anniversary since foundation.
The event included the bizarre sight of public health workers marching in gas masks and hazmat suits through the main square of the nation’s capital.
However, no one was more honoured than the Dictator himself, as he showed off his spunky new summer rig to the world.
“It was really important for me to see that” says Chassis, in reference to the photographs of Kim Jung Un.
“As I’m sure it was for all the other big units out there. It tells us anything is possible”
“We are all very proud of Kim and everything he has achieved in his suspicious 3 month hiatus from the public eye”
“It just tells that no extra baggage is too hard to drop.”
“I mean, someone like him, under all that pressure. With a whole nation to lead… And he still found time to complete an F45 circuit each morning”
“And what’s even more impressive. Apparently he gets em done in 45 seconds, not 45 minutes”
“His glow up has been very inspiring to all of the plus sized kings out there”
