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The terrified linen-clad residents of Byron Bay have today taken part in a protest against the major US streaming service Netflix, who is about to undermine the entire town’s relaxed care-free lifestyle with the new TV series ‘Byron Baes’.
Netflix says the show is a “docu-soap” which will follow the lives of “hot Instagrammers” and the mind-numbing shit they talk about at cafes.
Angry locals believe the new show will make a mockery of the town, which they say is more than just a bunch of spoilt linenfluencers who have relocated to the region after being chased out of Bondi and Toorak.
“This town is a community.” said one local anti-vaxxer, Emerald Monèt.
“We are more than just the nobodies they’ve chosen to put on screen”
“I’m sick of blow-ins who get to decide what Byron is and isn’t” she said.
As Emerald points out, as a true local who moved there after her first Splendour in 2009, Byron has forged a very unique culture that you wouldn’t get unless you were lucky enough to be invited to Rae’s at Wategos with her and the other alternative medicine gurus she drinks Rosè with every afternoon.
“You should have seen this place when I moved here. It’s come a long way” she says.
“We’ve worked hard to rebrand this town. Back then it was made up of heavy metal bands raised by strung out heroin addicts who moved here to avoid Vietnam”
“The days of incense and bongo drums are over. This place is for young families with a yearly household income of $400,000”
“Not these BOGANS from the Gold Coast who only moved here when Miley did”
On top of the roadside protests, over 60 ‘local’ surfers have also taken part in a protest-paddle this morning, which made for a euphoric self-indulgent photoshoot currently being pinballed around all of their Instagrams at this very moment like true Byron Baes.
Their protests has attracted significant media attention, and even made headlines internationally. Just like the time they protested the installation of 5G towers, and the other time they protested the vaccine roll-out, and all those other things that affluent white people seem to care about when they buy land in utopian coastal towns with the help of their parents.