ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

This summer’s Ashes series against England is pretty much off because a deal could not be struck between the Morrison Government and the English Cricket Board.

England’s players have been given an exemption by the government to enter the country to play cricket but their wives, girlfriends and assorted family have not and according to Scott Morrison, they won’t be getting one.

In response, the England players have said they’re actually not that interested in going.

“It’s disappointing that the English players have reacted like children,” said Morrison today in Washington.

“They should just come and enjoy the sunshine. They say they want to spend time with their family in Australia because they’ve already been away from home for so long. While I can empathise with them wanted to get off that miserable island where everyone has the black dog nipping at their heels the whole time, they’re going to have to do it somewhere else,”

“There will be no deal and if that means The Ashes is cancelled, then it’s cancelled. I won’t have 200 immunised people come into Australia to hotel quarantine,”

“There are still thousands of Australians trying to get home. Which is so grim because that means they’re either very poor, which means I don’t care, the Australian Government isn’t the fucking Smith Family, or they’re just not trying hard enough,”

“So the optics would be bad if I let in a bunch of toothless POMs to live in sin with their male friends. No deals.”

The Advocate reached out the English Cricket Board for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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