ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Dr Kennedy Wheeler owns a farm, but he doesn’t know how to farm. He owns a beach house, but he doesn’t know how to surf.
He once owned a Toyota Landcruiser Safari, the top of the line – that was until wife Sandra wanted a Lexus, fearing the judgement of the other mothers lined up to collect their child for the local private primary school.
But the 49-year-old cardiologist isn’t like that. He isn’t a slave to a brand, he’s his own man.
This afternoon, the semi-retired surgeon took like by the plums and stuck an RM Williams Longhorn sticker on the back window of his late model Mercedes four-wheel-drive – completing his ongoing identity crisis that begun in March when he discovered his wife’s affair.
“Yeah look, mate,” he said. “I know it’s a bit of a weird look and you’d usually be accustomed to seeing them on some bloke’s ute, but I’ve always wanted one.”
At first, Mr Wheeler thought he could pedal his way out of this mid-life funk, but quickly lost interest in cycling after being abused non-stop by motorists and friends.
Deciding next that he’d buy a longboard, start waking up early and head to the beach whenever aquabumbs told him to. Not long after he started, Kennedy realised he hates the beach and getting up early is for young people and lefties.
“Then it hit me like a freight train! Why don’t I just become an uppity pastoralist like all those blokes on Landline? I’ve got a farm, I guess that makes me a farmer.”
Last Tuesday, four Angus steers arrived at Mr Wheeler’s 11-acre Berry property on the New South Wales South Coast so he only thought it natural to celebrate.
“Put the longhorns on the back of the Merc this afternoon, mate. Had a glass of Kiwi Sem Sav to celebrate. Yep, my life is complete as it ever will be.”