8 October, 2015. 7:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
[dropcap]P[/dropcap]RIME MINISTER MALCOLM Turnbull’s Point Piper manor is set to star on the US-reality TV show “MTV Cribs” after news he turned down Kirribilli House, arguably the most desirable harbourside address, for his own home. Valued at close to $50m, Turnbull’s house boasts some of the most obscure and extravagant features that set it apart from any other house in the country.
From the indoor go kart track to the pool bar, the 60-year-old’s “crib” makes a trade union luncheon look like a meal sitting on your bonnet in McDonalds carpark. The property is also home to the only stables in the Point Piper area. Mr Turnbull owns four horses that he keeps in the stables but he doesn’t know their names.
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“The yardstick by which to measure a man’s success shouldn’t be the length of his yacht, but by the number of horses he keeps but never rides,” said Turnbull. “They’re ornamental horses. They spook easy. Whenever I have Ricky Muir over to talk Syria and have a go kart, they go apeshit and neigh all night.”
Turnbull’s indoor go kart track has been the scene of many heated contests over the years, one notable incident being the time Kim Beazley accidentally ran over Peter Beattie’s dog, Tim Tam, paralysing it from the waist down.
A little known hobby of the once Rhodes Scholar is music. The home has a recording studio, where Turnbull experiments with both contemporary and more classical genres of music. The Betoota Advocate can reveal that the prime minister is one of the nation’s most endearing vaporwave composers, a type of music enjoyed by almost nobody.
The squash court has caused less drama for the PM, as it gets rarely used anymore. Although prior to former state minister Joe Tripodi tearing his ACL after slipping over in a pool of Shane Warne’s sweat, it was used every other Sunday by some of the most influential people in the country – including entrepreneur and serial prankster Dick Smith, who famously swapped the squash ball for a golf ball. Smith’s prank caused a significant amount of damage to Turnbull’s court and the ricocheting golf ball ended up hitting Molly Meldrum in the throat, some 20 metres away from the arena.
Local real estate agents have described the Turnbull compound as priceless, leaving little wonder why he chose to stay at home.