The Oscars are finally back, without masks and rapid tests, this Sunday night (PST) – as movie stars and nameless corporate predators gather to recognise the best films of the last 12 months.

Jimmy ‘Flight Logs’ Kimmel will take to the stage as the first solo host since he host last time in 2018, and will no doubt be making lots of jokes about Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin – while also championing the awards night as a chance for underpaid Amazon warehouse workers to take their minds off the terrifying cost of living crisis by cheering on their favourite stars, many of whom have garnished their own wages in Amazon-produced blockbusters.

It is also expected that many winners and guests will be using the stage to discredit the rise of Chat GPT – which could never do what real artists do! – despite the fact that some of the big budget nominees like ‘Top Gun: Maverick’, ‘The Batman’, and ‘Avatar: The Way of Water’ could have literally been written and directed by AI.

There are very little guaranteed wins in any of the categories, except for a few masterpieces—including Best Picture, where the sci-fi action-adventure Everything Everywhere All at Once is likely locked in.

Another award that has been effectively promised is the 2023 Best Actor, which will almost be going to 27-year-old New Yorker Timothée Chalamet, for his stunning performance as the lead protagonist in Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio.

Directed by the Oscar winner and Mark Gustafson, is a reimagining of Carlo Collodi’s iconic tale about a wooden puppet who comes to life, and is likely to deliver Netflix one of it’s first major spree of gongs.

Chalamet was cast for the role after Gustafson remarked to producers that his lanky physique would be perfect for the character of Pinnochio, who is portrayed as both a young man and a wooden puppet in this age old classic.

However, no one can argue that Chalamat has not worked hard for this award, with cast and crew confirming that the young actor spent up to 6 hours in a make-up each day, as artists worked tirelessly to perfect the woodgrain surface on his skinny arms and legs.

Cate Blanchett is also likely to win Best Actress for TAR, which is a boomer’s wet dream about the dark side of cancel culture.


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