As wildfires tear through Europe and tens of thousands are evacuated due to record-shattering heatwaves, droves of climate-change denying Australians are taking the opportunity to beat their chests.

Because Australians know a hot summer better than anybody!

This comes after Britain recorded a new provisional record temperature of 40.3C in central England, with 29 sites across the country experiencing temperatures in excess of the previous high of 38.7C recorded in 2019.

These kinds of temperatures are causing more grief in the UK than they would in countries closer to the equator, namely because only 1% of dwellings has any form of air conditioning, and some don’t even keep a pedestal fan in the house.

In fact, the only infrastructure that the British have ever been known to implement to counter their extreme weather is their centuries-old central heating systems.

With no corrugated iron roofs, no verandas and no wind – the people of Britain are being forced to swim in muddy brown ponds to cool down – as aged care homes are on high alert right around the country, as seniors collapse in the face of unprecedented heat.

However, this climate-change-aided disaster, that doesn’t look too disimiliar to Australia’s own Black Summer bushfires, continues to be sneered at by Australian political and media elite, who would much prefer to pretend that everyone is over-reacting.

Betoota Grove-based pesticide sales rep, Carter Blyton (53) says these poms wouldn’t last a minute in Australia ha ha ha.

After a lifetime of consuming Murdoch news and arguing with his in-laws, Carter remains committed to his position that the 99% of the world’s scientists who have spent 40 years begging governments to please limit their obsession with burning fossil fuels out of fear of this exact scenario unfolding – are simply sensitive little leftie snowflakes.

But it’s not just the scientists that are snowflakes, the elderly British people who keep dying from overheating in double bricked homes suited for colder climates, also need to toughen up.

“Jeez they call that hot!? Haha” says Carter, who lives in a 5 bedroom rendered brick McMansion with air conditioning in every room, set to 19 degrees from September through to March.

“Australia has those kinds of temperatures at least once every decade”


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