ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Reserve Bank has apologised to homeowners today for creating a detached, artificial monetary environment that saw their real estate asset(s) hyper-inflate in value over the past decade.

However, the RBA Chief Philip Lowe refused to extend that apology to the many millions of Australians who are sooking over how much their mortgage has gone up and how much their property has gone down in value, telling them to call the Gambling Help Hotline.

“That essentially what it was, especially in the last two years. A gamble. A gamble that could and probably will have life-altering consequences for you and your family,” said Mr Lowe today in Sydney.

“If you let me trick you into buying a house you probably couldn’t afford then that’s you’re fault. Honestly, I don’t care. You took the risk and now you have the hide to call me out? Hey. Make sure your balls are still in your dainty little man purse between your legs before you come at me, the King,”

“Call the Gambling Helpline. Because that’s what you are, a problem gambler. How could you not see the writing on the wall? A market that puts a premium on real state that looks like the inside of a fat man’s toxic megacolon is not sustainable. Let me spell it out to you. Guess who was paying for all those real estate advertorials you saw and got FOMO because you were still a renting loser? The fucking banks. The fucking nationwide real estate agencies. The housing frenzy was their gold rush and you did your part,”

“So sit in your 5-year-old off-the-plan fuckhole that’s got more defects than a backyard-bred French Bulldog and think about what you’ve done to yourself. Just bite the bullet and move back home with the folks and put some poor corporate johnny cunt from the wrong postcode who went to a fucked state school and has no connections whatsoever in to pay the mortgage,”

“Or I could be completely wrong about everything, which is always a possibility.”

More to come.


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