ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter city worker has shit the bed this week after catching the spicy cough for real after telling his boss he had it just ten days ago.

Solicitor Dane Bowmore told The Advocate that he reckons he’s in the shit big time because his boss isn’t a fool and he’s all out of sick leave.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he said.

“A week or two ago, I told the boss I had the spicy cough on the Thursday so I could work from home that day and Friday so I could slip down to Brisbane to watch a few games of sport with the boys. I haven’t got any personal leave yet and we were getting slammed at work so my boss was spewing but knows he has to follow the rules because he’s a man of law,”

“But before that, I told him I had the flu so I could go to my brother’s bucks in Melbourne. I’m all out of diseases. I can’t tell him I’ve tested positive for COVID again, he’ll have kittens. He’ll know I’ve been bullshitting him, which is fine in any other industry but in law, they’ll put a mark against my name and the boss will bully me into resigning anyway,”

“Oh man, plus I actually feel like I’m fucked. I can’t stop coughing. I can’t go into work like this, let alone court. Those old magistrates don’t want some bed-shitting junior solicitor coughing on them. They have a fuck load of super and they want to be alive to spend it,”

“What do you reckon I do?”

When our reporter suggested monkeypox, Dane considered it.

“Oh man, I think that’d actually be worse. Plus, I’d have to go see a doctor to get a note. I’m fucked. I’m a lawyer, I should be able to bullshit my way out of this.”

More to come.


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