In terrific news for absolute nerds with too much money, the Apple Vision Pro is officially available for purchase.

And it can be confirmed that over 200,000 freaks who need to touch some grass have reportedly already secured their own ‘mixed reality’ headset.

Apple unveiled the new device back in June 2023, and nobody really cared because it kind of looks like an even nerdier version of the Nintendo Wii, which will likely result in net zero positive impact for society unless we can somehow encourage potential school shooters to focus on this “ultimate entertainment experience” instead of the real thing.

The Apple Vision Pro is apparently designed to “bring the virtual world into the real world” through digital content and spatial computing.

Users just slide the headset on over their head and use their eyes, hands and voice to interact with the computer system.

One of the richest nerds in all of Queensland, Nigel Blewitt (25, Betoota West) has already gotten his hands – and face – onto one of these dystopian brain holidays. He says it’s awesome.

“Man, the Apple Vision is incredible!” he tells The Betoota Advocate today.

“Being the first person to have a new device like this is always fun, but the headset itself is great”

When asked what he plans on doing in this mixed reality, Nigel says the options are limitless, before listing a whole range of different activities that he could easily take part in for a lot less money in the actual real world.

“Everything” he says.

“Well, not, everything”

“I mean I’m definitely not using it to immerse myself into POV pornography, if that’s what you are inferring”

“Just today I was on a boat out past the heads and reeling in a marlin! I’ve never done that before”

Nigel’s long-suffering father, overhearing this conversation from the kitchen, sighs.

“Why did you need to spend four thousand bucks to go fishing?!” he barks, from behind his newspaper, which has been printed on paper and delivered to his house by a teenager on a bicycle.

Nigel scoffs at this comment, as he blindly grabs at the air in his childhood bedroom.

“Because dad, this is more real than fishing”

The old man retorts back at his stay-at-home son.

“No it’s not. You could’ve bought top of the line rods, bait and a fucken boat for that money”


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