EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
In some confusing and totally unforeseeable news, National Wastewater Drug Monitoring Program reports allege Australians are doing more drugs than ever, with “notable” increases in MDMA consumption seen in the majority of states, and a substantial increase in cannibal use – with ‘Greenslanders’ of course coming out on top with cannabis use, consuming more than 300 kilograms more than their New South Wales brethren.
Unsurprisingly, the state filled with the richest workers in Australia was first for cocaine, with New South Wales consuming almost as much cocaine as all other states combined – despite it costing an average of $400 a gram.
However, for normal people, it seems that the increased use of pingers and cannabis make for a much cheaper alternative than getting on the beers all night – as reports suggest some inner bars are charging up to $13 for a schooner of beer.
Though this has prompted discussions about the nation’s declining mental health (as Australia was recently labelled the fourth most miserable country in the world) it can also be assumed that dropping a couple of pingers on a Friday night is a much more cost effective way for young people to let their hair down, even if it is a lot more risky.
More to come.
