ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota area grazier who’s currently blowing off a bit of steam in Japan has looked to this sky today and laughed.

Despite the drought gripping the throats of hundreds of regional families in the wider Diamantina, nearly all of them have found the time and money to make the journey over to Japan to cheer on the Wallabies as they look to win their third Rugby World Cup.

In the past few days, a large storm has seemingly derailed the tournament by forcing the governing rugby body to cancel a number of games because of the danger it poses to fans.

That’s bullshit, according to Michael Kennedy-Pearson.

“It’s not like it’s a cyclone or even a willy-willy, it’s a typhoon,” he told The Advocate down a crackling phone line.

“I don’t know what these blokes are on about. It’s a bit blowy outside and it’s pissing down. I’ve played in worse rain back home in fucking Betoota mate, I’m telling you,”

“Mate, another thing I’ll tell you for free is that the piss over here tastes way better, like the Asahis and whatever the flash one is in the green bottle. Mate, top tier. And they let you punch darts inside like your Mum’s away and Dad’s in charge. It’s grouse. Actually, when you think about it, it’s pretty crook,”

“Us Australians need rules to prevent us from hurting ourselves. If we had Japanese rules in Australia, our life expectancy would be 25,”

“So to answer your question, sorry mate I’ve gibbered on a bit but I’ve had half a box of Asahi pints tins and Johnny Butler, you know him? Anyway, here’s done all the chimp and we can’t get any more because we got into the blue with our chimp man last night and we ended up pushing him down a flight of stairs and yeah. Yeah but with a sprinkle of nah, we’re one-hunid going out tonight for some yam cakes and cold tins. We will try to find some more but they’ll shoot you over here, mate, it’s fucked.”

The phone line then went dead.

The Advocate has chosen to print our interview with Mr Kennedy-Pearson in case it’s the last thing he ever says on record.

More to come.


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