KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Internationally recognised shady bloke and Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison is on the offensive this morning, launching a new sports-centric media strategy in an attempt to win back some votes.
It’s been a tough few weeks for Scott, after the bungled submarine deal led French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron to label him a liar and a lacklustre appearance at the COP26 summit where Mr Morrison arrived with a climate change plan that resembled Year 3 homework.
So following a fortnight of bad press coverage, The Advocate believes Scotty from Marketing has decided to take matters into his own hands and decided to call in the big guns, the Wallabies.
Making a series of calls this morning to a few tan chino, puffer vest types he knows at the Brumbies, it’s understood Scotty from Marketing has attempted to set up an appearance running water the next time the Wallabies take on France in a test.
Speaking with Head of Corporate Sponsorships and former schoolboy prodigy Harrison Cooper (35), it’s believed the board of Australian Rugby were unimpressed to be the last on the list in terms of sporting organisations to be called.
“I know he tried to call the girls at the Matilda’s last week, but they’ve blocked his number cos of his track record,” said Cooper.
“I also know half the Aussie cricket team would prefer to bowl a seamer at his head after the whole Indian Premier League quarantine farce.”
“So when I picked up the phone and he asked if he could run the water at our next game against the French, I almost told him to take a hike.”
It appears the move to get the Cadbury Green n’ Gold involved is yet another example of Australia’s Prime Minister using a sporting team as a diplomatic battering ram.
“To be real, if Scotty wants to get in front of the common man, don’t think us here at the Wallabies is really the right fit,” said Cooper.
“And after that performance against Scotland the other night, he might not even be running water for a winning team.”
“You’d hate to be on the wrong side of history hey!”