ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A stupid leftie teacher has put the dog up a local father this morning after ringing him to explain that he needs to start sending his boy to school with healthier options for big lunch.

Dane Hussey, identical twin of The Advocate’s cadet reporter Wendell, came into The Advocate’s Daroo Street newsroom with the gripe against the teaching staff at Green Street State School. He demanded to talk to a reporter about it because “enough is enough.”

“It’s putrid,” he explained.

“Mate, I grew up on devon sandwiches and BBQ Shapes. My son’s bloody teacher reckons you can’t be feeding that to kids these days. What the fuck am I supposed to send him with? A leftie bento box? I haven’t got time for that, I’m a busy man.”

Dane is currently serving 50 hours of community service for kicking the side mirrors off a Tesla Model Y that was allegedly parked too close to his late model MG3, forcing him to climb in through the passenger side. The Tesla belonged to Dr. Clancy Overell OAM, editor of this masthead.

“They’re dogs, mate. What’s wrong with apple juice? It’s fucking fruit, mate. Plus, she reckons you can’t be sending kids to school with a cigarette lighter and half a deck of Peter Stuyvesant Classics. They’re a top-shelf smoke. School’s hard. When I was his age, I was pinching darts off the old man.”

Dane’s son is in Year 2.

“And the form guide. My boy loves going to the club and having a punt on the horses. I give him $10 to play the pokies. I turned out fine and that’s what I did as a kid,” he continued.

“World’s gone mad.”

More to come.


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