ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The nation’s chief bloke says he just wants to go back to the good old days today where he just played Candy Crush at the footy and stuff.

Scott Morrison was candid on the phone with The Advocate today as his government falls down around him.

It’s been very hard for the working-class boy who’s only up in the top job because he bloody-near ripped the straps off his Redback boots as a youngster.

“Sometimes, mate, I just want to go back to 2019 where I just spent the afternoons in a hammock playing on my phone, not a care in the world,” he said.

“It got me thinking, all this. You know when Christian [Porter] was telling us all about the bowl of prawns and the dancing and shit? Fuck, that actually sounds mad. I did all that shit before this shit happened. I used to love going to the footy and getting half pissed on mid-strength while I played Candy Crush,”

“The ground announcer would say my name and I’d get up and swing a scarf and get some cheers, then I’d sit back down and some bodyguard is there weighting with a traveller pie. My life was fucking sick,”

“Now the media has fucked everything. It’s fucked.”

Mr Morrison then excused himself while his Bloke Advisor told him to stop swearing so much.

“Ah right. Well, mate. How good? How good was 2019? Crushing Shorten, getting to hang out with Donnie. So many beers in the pool. Fuck. This sucks.”

More to come.


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