For Jade, Alison, Marigold (all 24) their once-in-a-life road trip through the mid-north coast of New South Wales has been marred by a distinct lack of paneer and Burmese tofu.

The three Newtown exports have been best friends for over 6-weeks, and have been through a lot together… But no one could have predicted how hard the last nine hours would be on their friendship.

The girls are currently halfway to Byron, in their bizarrely exciting anthropological journey from Newtown to Splendour In The Grass.

With the Port Royal rollies burning non-stop and all the funny looking bogans out and about, the girls were having a hell of a time… Until they pulled up for petrol and a feed.

It’s lunch time in Taree, and apparently the only meal options is the shit sitting in front of them in the bain marie at the Taree Servo & Truck Stop.

“Just eat it, Jade” says Marigold, pescatarian daughter of a prominent Hunter Valley cattle baron.

“There’s no other options”

“It’s a works burger. The mince is mostly made of ammonia anyway”

Jade, a born and bred inner-west-Sydney girl, says surely these people aren’t serious.

“Well the Chiko Roll seems like it’s made of mostly veggies, but that batter has gotta have gluten in it”

“Haha they are kidding right?”

“Like, literally nothing else?”

“I guess I’ll just wait until we get to Byron haha.”

At time of press Alison was giving Marigold the silent treatment for the fully inappropriate micro-aggressions that she was showing towards Jade, simply because she isn’t willing to fully embrace the cognitive dissonance that Marigold chooses to hide behind when it comes to acknowledging the affect mass-agriculture has on the environment.

“That was a bit too far” said Alison.

“I know this is like a class thing, but Jade shouldn’t be expected to have to eat this shit”


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