23 March, 2017. 13:23
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A prominent microwave manufacturer has left instructions for how to cook an entire chicken on a sticker stuck to the top of the appliance – despite suggestion that a normal, well-adjusted person would never consider doing such a thing.
“We put it there just in case somebody was sufficiently perverted enough to cook a whole chicken with a microwave,” said a company spokesman.
“While we know that most people just use our microwaves to heat up cold food, there are members of the community who enjoy cooking with them. We must cater for everybody.”
One North Betoota resident shot to fame earlier this year after it was revealed that he grossly under-cooked a Christmas turkey with a microwave.
Though his father-in-law balked at the semi-translucent core of the bird, Lennis Mahogany said the parts that were cooked were quite devine.
“Everybody who ate the uncooked parts of the bird got sick, that’s their own fault,” said the 26-year-old panelbeater.
“Mum is also to blame, she asked me to cook the turkey last year. You know, to take some responsibility. She knows how much paint I inhale at work and she knows how much Nimbin Gorilla Grip it takes for me to get to sleep. So of course I was going to fuck the turkey up. I had to cut it up into like 8 bits then stick it back together with meat glue.”
However, it’s not the first food that Mr Mahogany has cooked in