A local bloke has woken up with a case of hypothermia this morning after spending another night battling the winter chills.

Haydin Mulligan (24), a biomed student at South Betoota Polytechnic College, has reportedly woken up shivering like a Japanese sex toy during an earthquake, as his body struggles to return to a healthy 35 degrees. 

Speaking to The Advocate as he boiled up his first cup of two minutes noodles for the day, Haydin says the recent purchase of a 5 fin oil heater from Kmart was pretty much useless in keeping him warm last night.

“Man that heater man is piss-weak, I’ve had people breathe on me on public transport that have offered more warmth than that thing,” said Haydin, as he slurped down a hot mouthful of oriental flavoured noodles.

“$39 bucks and the wheels have already fallen off, and it sounds like an old lawnmower spluttering to start up. I feel I’ve bought myself a hunk of steel that’s only good for stumping your toe on.”

With a particularly icy winter on the way, Haydin says he’s going to go back to old world methods to keep his internal organs from shutting down over the next few months.

“Man my legs were so cold last night I had to wear jeans to bed, skinny ones too!”

“My only saving grace is Nan has knitted me a little tea cosy for a hot water bottle, so tonight I’ll boil the kettle and keep my bed warm like I’m a little Dutch boy living in the 17th century.”

“I can see why the average lifespan back then was 36 years old…”


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