ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Lucy Jennifer’s only crime is wanting to tell the world about her ‘huge booty’.
The Betoota Heights podiatrist is well within her rights, as a red-blooded 20-something Australian, to want people to visit her profile and check out the many pictures of her caboose.
“What the fuck does a woman have to do these days to get a normal bloke to slide into her direct messages? I mean, hello!”
This morning, Lucy woke to find her Instagram account disabled yet again.
She stands accused of being a ‘bot’ – a ‘fake’ profile aimed at luring in horny, tech-illiterate men and fleecing them.
Our reporter was able to confirm that Lucy is a real person. She sad opposite The Advocate today at a French Quarter speakeasy.
The Advocate would also like to apologise for using the term ‘speakeasy’ and it is known to cause cringing and eye-rolling in Australians who aren’t inner-city professionals with zero personality and a social media account for their dog.
“Do I look like a robot to you?” she asked.
Our reporter shook his head.
“Do I have a huge booty?”
Our reporter nodded.
“Then what the fuck? Instagram needs to step up and answer my emails. I wish they had an office I could visit and berate a staff member,” she said.
“I’m honestly out of ideas. I haven’t been this single for years. All I want is to get my ticket stamped and my back rubbed afterwards. That’s it.”
Lucy locked her phone then forcefully banged it down on the table and sighed.
“You’re married, aren’t you?”
More to come.
