WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation’s Head of Marketing has today come out to reveal the cause of the slow progress on the spicy cough jab.
With plenty of other countries around the world well into their roll outs, Australians are starting to ask why we are making so little head way.
Scotty from Marketing initially promised that 4 million Australians would have received their first dose by the end of March, but that has since been pushed back to April, with only 100,000 or so across the line so far.
While, the delayed roll out and state by state system has drawn criticism from residents of a nation that keeps having internal borders shut by little flare-ups, the Bloke in Chief explained where the anger should be directed.
“Mate, the bloody Greenies and their back burning policies,” he said.
“Don’t get me started on it. They are playing politics on this one, just like they were with the bushfires,” said the man in charge.
“It’s the same kind of process, where they infiltrate local government and the senate, and use their hatred of back burning to protecting a few animals to stop us from rolling out this jab.”
“Because there worried that maybe some of these companies did testing on animals, so they are bloody ethically opposed to it because of some left wing agenda.”
“Believe me, I’m trying to get this shit out as quickly as possible, it’s just we are hamstrung by the greenies at the moment.”
“It’s frustrating, but don’t worry, we’ll get there.”