A cool 39-year-old dude currently loitering around the front bar of one of Betoota’s premiere nightclubs is looking for “some E” if you got any.

The suspiciously athletic looking partygoer claims he just wants to chill out man and enjoy the vibes.

He says he goes by the name of ‘Zak’ and is new to town, if you know where he can procure some class A illegal substances in a quantity of more than the state-legislated definition of personal use.

His not explain why he has a 20 inch LED torch attached to some sort of waistband on his hip, as well as a multi-tool Leatherman pocketknife slotted into his belt.

Local patron, Gabbie (23), says she kept a wide berth from ‘Zak’ because she had a sneaking suspicion that he may be employed by the Queensland Government to trick young people into sharing information about, or involving him directly in criminal activities.

“He was wearing a studded SMP belt with Globe shoes. Not to mention his wallet chain…” she said.

“That was the first red flag”

“But it was the Sony Discman visibly sitting in the trouser pockets of his cargo pants that confirmed it”

However, despite his very obvious employment as an undercover policeman, he did manage to find a local kid who was drunk enough to help a brother out.

“Yeah ummm how many do you want?” asks Kyle, the 19-year-old brickies labourer.

“14 please” said ‘Zak’.

“I reckon that’d be bonza”

“Yeah righto just get the cash sorted, I’ll go get em” said Kyle.

‘Zak’ appears unable to hide his excitement as he reaches into his enormous Billabong satchel to grab the ‘scrilla’ that he will now hand over as part of an incriminating transaction that will ruin this young man’s life.

Unfortunately nothing goes to plan, as Kyle returns to the bar with fourteen cans of Jim Beam and Cola.

“What are these mate?!” asks the cop.

“Fourteen eggies” says Kyle.

“Isn’t that what you asked for? Fourteen white eggs”

Zak loses his temper with the drunk idiot.

“I said ECCIES you little shit!”

“Eccies not Eggies! Who the fuck calls Jim Beam cans Eggies”

Kyle is now losing patience with this stranger that he’s gone above and beyond to help out.

“What the FUCK are eccies you old loser?!”

“Want me to go back in there and get my older brother to sort you out cunt?”

‘Zak’ takes note of the very real threat of alcohol fuelled violence and calms down.

“Now pay up cunt” says Kyle.

“That round cost me 150 bucks”

“Almost worth getting on the pills and drinking water at these prices”


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