ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A number of leading economists say now is the time to purchase an L1A1 SLR or equivalent as society is projected to collapse later this month when our national supply chains totally collapse.

In recent weeks, the exploding numbers of Berejiklian Bark cases have led to hundreds of thousands of workers around the country being furloughed while they isolate, as per the government’s own guidelines.

As a result, the way in which those workers make the rest of our lives work in some sort of order is teetering on the brink of collapse – resulting in millions of Australians going without – which is a hardship Australians believe they don’t deserve.

“This isn’t a game anymore,” said CommSec’s Tom Piotrowski.

“The FN FAL was the platform on which the Australian L1A1 was built. The FN FAL was the right arm of the free world during the Cold War and it built a name on being reliable and functional while having the stopping power of ceramic brakes,”

“We in the business of economics refer to this firearm as the Venezuelan Credit Card. Meaning you use it to pay for goods and services during the breakdown of society. You need some petrol? Go to the petrol station and fill up with a hand pump and if anybody tries to stop you, put a round over their head and if they keep coming, one in the center mass should put them down,”

“It’s a worst-case scenario but my job is to give all Australians quality financial and economic news. My advice is to prepare for the worst and hope for a Y2K-type outcome.”

Mr Piotrowski’s sentiments were echoed by the ABC’s Alan Kohler, whose suspicious absence from the ABC nightly news suggests he’s been preoccupied with something more important.

Kohler explained how he’s serviced all his firearms and is now hoarding food, water and ammunition.

“Yes, I’ve got my Venezuelan Credit Card all greased up and shot in for 50m,” he laughed.

“RAT tests? You can shove those up your arse now. That’s all they’re good for. In addition to that, I’ve got a Browning Hi-Power 9mm that I’ll keep down the side of my Ariat high-tops. Then, in case things get a bit personal and up close, I’ve got a Fairbairn–Sykes fighting knife on my belt. Hope it doesn’t come to that but as Tom said, it pays to be prepared,”

“Good luck everybody, the seas are beginning to stir.”

More to come.


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