EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A recently divorced bloke from Betoota Plains has been going at it quite hard with the dating apps recently, having been forced to fend for himself for the first time in 23 years, it’s reported.

Having joined Tinder, Hinge, Eharmony and Plenty of Fish, Phil Hartman,52, is leaving no stone unturned in his quest to return to normalcy, figuring his energy is better spent trying to find a new woman, and not on actually figuring out how to do basic tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.

Speaking to his eldest son Jacob, our reporter learns more about Phil’s refusal to become a big boy.

“Yeah it’s pretty grim, I don’t know how he’s functioning”, admits Jacob, “there’s not a single item with nutritional value in his fridge.”

“He’s got like, two six packs of beer and a slab of weird looking meat.”

Jacob explains that his parents very much fit the gender roles that are traditional of that generation, which meant that his mum was pretty much his father’s caretaker.

“I went and visited him last week, and he was having Spam on bread for dinner.”

“Fucking Spam? He’s a plumber, he can afford to eat good food.”

“I would have thought he was just depressed, but he’s been going on dates left, right and centre.”

“He’s got a more better love life than me!”

More to come.


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