ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Federal Energy Minister Angus Taylor has told reporters this morning in Canberra that the government’s commitment to lowering greenhouse gas emissions will begin with a shift away from solar and wind toward things his mates can turn a buck on.

He prefaced the presser by saying that while it might seem like a conflict of interest, it’s actually not and people should just move on with their lives.

“Yeah look boys, and lady,” he said, nodding toward a female reporter from the ABC.

“Nobody makes any money out of wind and solar. You can’t do anything if you don’t have a bit of coin to rub together. Being broke is hell. Speaking to a bunch of journalists, I needn’t tell you about the horrors of fiscal and emotional poverty. You’re living it,”

“So I reckon our energy policy moving forward will include carbon capture, which is shit like planting trees and whatnot. I’ve got lots of farmer mates, they have land and we can do some sort of rort where they plant trees and so on. Then there’s lithium, which comes from the ground. I’ve got lots of mining mates, especially up in the Top End where there’s cuntloads,”

Angus apologised to the female reporter.

“Buttloads, I mean, of lithium so they can mine that stuff and turn a buck doing that. There’s fucken heaps of coin in mining, don’t need to tell you blokes that. And, ah, what was the other thing? Oh, right. We need to feed our cattle better stockfeed so they stop farting so much methane. I know a few blokes in the stockfeed game so yeah, makes sense, right? You following me, city boys? Righto. So you get the picture? Good,”

“Goodbye, now.”

Angus buttoned the top button on his Tom Ford jacket, nodded at the journalists, taking time to apologise to the female reporter once again – and left.

More to come.


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