ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A curious rugby fan decided to inflict some unnecessary pain upon himself last night by watching the Stan Sport documentary about the Wallabies campaign at last year’s Rugby World Cup in France.

The 3-part documentary series runs for over three hours, which confused Betoota Grove rugby tragic John Alistair Wallace at first and as the first episode began to unravel – he was left even more confused.

Speaking to The Advocate today, the 71-year-old retired businessman and Old Whootonian said he wondered how in the hell the series could be longer than just a few minutes.

“I mean, they just have to start with how dreadfully they treated David Rennie. So unbelievably unAustralian what they did to him and so grossly unbecoming of what this country stands for – the fair go. David Rennie didn’t get a fair go – and it’s not like he’s a bloody Pom, either. He’s a Kiwi, our closest friend and right hand in every war since bloody Gallipoli, for Christ’s sake!” he said.

“You start with that, then you go to Hamish “Lisping Death” McLennan and Eddie Jones throwing poor Michael Hooper in the bin like a tray of rotten fruit. They didn’t even tell him he wasn’t being picked. He had to find out on his own. Such appalling weakness of character! I bet shaking hands with both of them is like delicately taking a mickey bull’s testicles in you hand when you have them in the crush,”

“The last ten minutes would’ve been us flogging a tiny former Soviet state in the first game, getting found out by Fiji in the second followed by a ritualistic humiliation at the hands of Wales. At least the press had the common decency not to harpoon and roast the young team – they barbecued the so-called coaching staff that put them there and the self-congratulatory board hopping losers that put the coach in there,”

“The end.”

Mr Wallace admitted that he watched the entire three hours in one sitting, pausing only to refresh his Cab Shiraz and fetch handfuls of Jatz.

“I just couldn’t look away.”

More to come.


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