In a desperate bid to find absolutely anyone in Australia who cares about the Socceroos disappointing Asian cup departure, round-ball enthusiast, Jules Roberts (33) has gone above and beyond today.

Embarking on a quest to seek sympathy from the only people who might actually give a shit, or even just know about the elimination: the elderly patrons at a nearby ethnic club.

For many non-Immigrant Australians like Jules, the local ethnic club is an establishment shrouded in mystery. ‘What goes on in there?’ He often thinks, ‘why is it always so empty but once in a while it’s four times over capacity?’

These are the questions that Jules thought would never be answered, until now.

While Jules knew he was being hopeful by thinking that the Matildas hype of 2023 would bleed into the Socceroos even a little bit, he didn’t think so few people would care about them being knocked out of the second most important competition the national team can play in.

Although nerves nearly got in the way, Jules stuck to his guns and made his way into the Macedonian Club in Betoota’s Flight Path District, on the hunt for a beer and someone to talk to about soccer.

The beer, he found quite quickly.

With only one adult staff member splitting their time between the bar and the industrial kitchen out the back, Jules found himself being served an extremely alcoholic pint of foreign beer by a 12-year-old boy who was being put to work on school holidays.

Now it was time to talk FOOTBALL.

He worked the room quietly, looking for the most animated group of hot blooded Europeans.

He was certain he’d found what he was looking for when he bumped into a table of old Macedonian men arguing about corruption in the Macedonian football league.

The conversation then evolved into an argument about corruption in Macedonian politics, and then corruption Australian politics, then Greece, then Israel, Yemen, Iran, then Argentina for some reason. This was followed by a passionate group analysis of Vladimir Putin in which almost every single comment contradicted the last.

In the end, a deflated Jules was forced to just pull up a seat and join in on the non-Socceroos related discussions.

While his new mates have certainly opened his eyes to the world, Jules can’t help but feel disappointed to find out that most European migrants don’t really care about the Socceroos either – especially now that the team isn’t almost exclusively second-generation Balkan and Italian boys like it was during the golden era 2006 team.


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