Empty nesters Trish and Lazarus Tooley are preparing for the future by intentionally neglecting some upkeep in their backyard.

Having once had three rambunctious kids running around their backyard, Trish and Laz invested in some play equipment as they believe kids should ‘do this wild thing called playing outdoors.’

Although the swings have not swung in over a decade and the pre safety wall trampoline has remained taught for longer, the Tooleys are pretty sure the play equipment needs to stay there, you know, in case.

As grandchildless seniors, the Tooleys spend an unholy amount of time gardening, pausing only to watch the news headline and attempt the odd bird call.

With that in mind, it is even stranger that the couple have left the Howard era OH&S hazards in place, you know, just in case.

“You never know when we might be needing it again,” Trish told our reporting team, at the same time her adult children and their partners just happened to be round for a cuppa.

“The sound of children laughing out there, aaah, it just would warm my heart. Really warm my heart after everything we’ve been through last year, what with your dad’s diabetes diagnosis and everything.”

Her son’s boyfriend, who ‘works in tech’, then suggested they could get some use out of the play equipment by listing them on Facebook marketplace or by selling them for scrap.

“No no no, I think we might need them. We might need them.”

Picking up on the cues so apparent even the coffee table seemed aware of them, the young Tooleys explained that having kids in 2023 sounds like the most rewarding way to increase your carbon footprint and dip below the poverty line while never having a relaxed shit ever again.

“Alright, alright, I understand. Still, I’ll leave the swings there for now, you never know.”


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