The old days of new parents using unconventional spelling for traditional names are behind us, it has been confirmed.

This disappointing news has been delivered by the Australian Bureau Of Statistics, in a recent report that found children with glorious bogan names like Rybekkah and Jayydhen are gradually thinning out, making way for a new era of creativity amongst parents of kindergarten students.

It seems to be a classic case of you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, as Australians are now learning that the once-ridiculed trend of spelling normal names however the fuck you want – is now being replaced by young parents giving their kids names that flat out aren’t names.

The rise of obscure words like ‘Scout’, ‘Jazz’, ‘Leaf’ and ‘Moon’ has quickly overtaken the once very-Australian phenomena of names that sound like names you’ve heard before – but are littered with unnecessary Ks and Ys.

The study found that over 60% of Queensland kindergarten and grade 1 students now go by names that weren’t names 5 years ago.

Even the more subtly creative spelling of traditional names like ‘Hayleigh’ and ‘Tyceon’ are also sadly a thing of the past, as classrooms around the country now find themselves over-run with the yuppie trend of using objects as names – or in some instances, blatant adjectives.

What’s more disappointing is the lack of edge in these new names. Names like ‘spider’ and ‘bullet’ have been overlooked for the completely inoffensive words like ‘Star’ and ‘Apple’ – a trend believed to have been started by Gwyneth Paltrow and that guy from Coldplay.

The study has also found that the briefly popular combination of using creative spelling for simply cool sounding words is also on the way out, with only 1% of Australian kids carrying names ‘Shardonneigh’ and ‘Heavyn’.

However, teachers can reveal that it is somewhat refreshing to have a class full of names that are also being taught to their students as part of basic literacy lessons – rather than struggling to tip toe around the six different ways of spelling ‘Isabella’.


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